


Kick Back

by AnonEhouse



Series: Tiny Tony 'verse [19]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-18
Updated: 2013-08-18
Packaged: 2017-12-23 22:28:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/931800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During a battle, Tony remembers his first meeting with Natasha. (This is a spin off of the Tiny Tony 'verse, in which Tony and Natasha are roughly the same age. And takes place after the Avengers 2012 movie but assumes they're all in NYC as a team. Canon was ignored because inconvenient. You should at least read <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/361983">Featherweights Can't Box </a> first- it's only 1554 words.)</p><p>(read the end note for the prompt by jkbat which led to this.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kick Back

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Featherweights Can't Box](https://archiveofourown.org/works/361983) by [AnonEhouse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse). 



(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

"Seriously," Tony said, hoping Jarvis could hear him, "you could re-boot any time now. Any time at all." He didn't wait for an answer, using his own muscle to throw the dead weight of the Iron Man suit into a backbend as Thunderball's wrecking ball whistled just past where his head used to be. To get his opponent off guard, Tony mocked him while trying to lure him in the general vicinity of the Hulk, or Thor, or maybe one of Clint's nice explosive arrows. Tony wasn't picky. Wearing armor that _isn't_ working around the Wrecking Crew is just asking for a demo of junkyard compaction in action. "You guys are invited to all my Halloween parties. I just love your great disguises. Your balls are of two different sizes. One ball is so small it's no ball at all, but I bet the other won several pri..."

Thunderball screamed something too impolite even for Tony and jumped forward, right into a big green fist. Tony grinned and did a victory pirouette, just for the hell of it. As he spun he caught glimpses of the battle. Things were winding down; Cap and Thor were wrestling Bulldozer to the ground. The Wrecker had run afoul of one of Clint's nets and lost his magic *pfft, magic* crowbar. So all that was left was Piledriver-- who had picked up a broken U-Haul. The biggest freakin' U-Haul Tony had ever seen. And was hoisting it in the air, scattering boxes of personal possessions everywhere. "Oh, no. You don't want to do that..." Tony stepped back, but there was no back, just a solid brick wall behind him. "Yikes!" Tony managed a half-assed grand jeté, but still got side-swiped by the truck and landed flat on his back in the middle of the street, with the battered truck coming around for a second bite of the Iron Man cherry. He crossed his arms, instinctively protecting the arc reactor, and pulled his feet back, not really thinking it would do any good, but hey, going down kicking.

And then there was a _zap_ , followed immediately by a bellow of rage and a loud _crumph_. The U-Haul landed on its side, a few yards away from Tony. He couldn't stand up, something in the right knee of the armor was warped, but he could lift his faceplate, and use his elbows to lever himself high enough to see Natasha riding Piledriver's back, choking him with her trademarked thighs of death and giving him both barrels of her Widow's Bite. Piledriver fell to his knees and teetered. Natasha somersaulted forward over his head, smiled slightly, and punched him in the nose. She stepped to one side. He swayed and fell face first into a box of dishes.

"I hope that wasn't the good china." Tony waved at the blood on the crumpled cardboard and shattered plates. "Don't worry, teacher will get you a band-aid."

Natasha had been coming over to Tony. She paused, and deliberately raised her hand to lick catlike at the blood on her knuckles. 

Tony blinked as an old, nearly forgotten, memory slotted into place, superimposing an image of Natasha's smile set in an elfin child's face over the features of the woman standing in front of him. "You're very pretty." After a moment he added, "And very scary."

Natasha grabbed Tony's hand and braced herself to help him up. "Maybe." She giggled, actually giggled, proving that she remembered, too. "Do you still have my red tutu?"

"Yes!" Tony didn't actually lean on her, but he did put one hand on her shoulder to give himself a balancing point. "Jarvis sneaked it into the mansion. I used to practice in front of the mirror, until it didn't fit."

"Do you still dance?"

The other Avengers had come up by now, and they were staring at Natasha and Tony, who were hanging onto each other and giggling.

"Only when no one's looking." Tony sighed. "I eventually had to take up boxing."

"That's all right. You aren't very good at it," Natasha said consolingly. "You cheat."

Tony waved a finger at her. "So do you!"

"Yes, but I don't get caught, Tony."

"Point," Tony ruefully admitted. There was a crackling noise from his helmet. "Hey, Jarvis! Are you back with me buddy? Awesome." He waved at the other Avengers who were all staring at him and Natasha- well, staring, but still keeping their prisoners under control. "We done here? Fantastic. 'Tasha..."

"You never call her 'Tasha," Clint said. Abruptly there was an arrow aimed at Tony. "And you never call him Tony." Clint's eyes shifted for an instant taking in Natasha, who was still standing next to Tony. "This is some magic bullshit, isn't it?"

"No, no. There's a perfectly logical explanation," Tony started, but Natasha shrugged and interrupted him. "Tony, I do not want to have this conversation on the street." She indicated the spectators beginning to gather with their smartphones and YouTube connections already warming up. 

"Yeah, ok." Tony grinned. "Save it for Fury?"

***

"So, then he picks up the truck and it's deja vu all over again," Tony said, leaning back in his chair. He was wearing his black undersuit, having sent Jarvis home with the Iron Man to wait for their return after the debriefing. Natasha was sitting next to him, minus her weaponry. Fury was a suspicious bastard and had ordered them both 'defanged'. Tony thought it was a joke. 'Tasha even bare-ass naked (not a thought to dwell on, she could SEE when Tony was thinking that) was lethal, and Tony was fairly sure he could rig up something with his cell phone and the arc reactor in about thirty seconds to put a nice dent in the helicarrier. But, hey, the coffee wasn't bad, and someone had the good sense to stock up fresh pastry. Mmm, bear claws.

"Girls don't box," Natasha said agreeably.

"I really think they ought to," Tony said around a mouthful of pastry. "Most of the women I know are terrifying. Boxing would bring their threat level down a few notches. Make us poor defenseless men feel less intimidated."

Natasha smiled. "More men should take up ballet. It makes you so ... well-rounded." Her gaze dropped to the side and down, following the lines of Tony's form-fitting suit to his ass.

Steve blushed. Bruce rolled his eyes. Thor pretended not to get her meaning. Clint frowned faintly. 

Fury cleared his throat. "For the record, there is nothing wrong with men wearing tutus and sparkly pink wigs while they dance and sing. If they're doing it for charity."

Coulson didn't quite smile as he handed around the post-mission forms in the absolute silence that followed that statement. "Stark. Do not google for the video. I still have my taser."

Tony sighed. "You're no fun." He nudged Natasha with his elbow. "Wanna teach Pepper how to box?"

"Sure. If you'll dance for us."

"You got it." Tony grinned. "I need a new tutu, first." He grabbed the paperwork, which was either going to mysteriously disappear, or return covered with diagrams for a monocular laser. If he was in a good mood. He strutted out of the room, a few inches ahead of the general rush. The Avengers were united in their dislike of post-mission briefings.

Fury rubbed his forehead. "Coulson."

"Yes, boss?"

"Natasha Romanov is going to teach Pepper Potts to box. While Tony Stark dances ballet in a tutu."

"Yes, boss."

Fury rose from his seat and put his hands behind his back. "Get video."

"Yes, boss."

**Author's Note:**

> This is all due to a comment placed on Featherweights can't box by jkbat, who said:
> 
> _Oh god. I want to see a spinoff of this fic where Black Widow KO's someone like Piledriver while they are trying to beat up Ironman with a broken truck, then Tony mentions what happens in this fic, Natasha stares at him for a moment, says "That was you?!" and Tony finishes it up by saying "You are still very pretty, and very scary."_
> 
> _And then maybe Widow cracking up and everyone else freaking out thinking the cackling Black Widow and beat up Ironman got hit with a spell or chemical agent, and then explaining why they were laughing in debrief with Fury and Coulson._
> 
> _That would just be a perfect follow-up to this epic adorableness X)_


End file.
